Chocolate Chip Birthday Cake


A couple weeks ago was my friend Brad’s 30th birthday. He’s gay, so Theresa suggested making a cake of a more phallic persuasion… If you know what I mean…. Normally I don’t think I would bake a penis cake, but I was pretty okay with our game plan. Partly because it suits Brad, partly because it would be hilarious, and partly because Theresa already had a cake pan. Convenient 🙂

I warn you now, there is a picture of this cake below!

The birthday party was during a pretty busy time in terms of school work, so to get the cake baked and decorated in time for the party we needed to use a box cake. Theresa happened to have chocolate, so that’s how that cake became chocolate. Baking the cake itself was pretty straight forward. In past experiences with this particular shape of pan, however, Theresa said that getting the cake out intact had been challenging. To avoid this particular issue, I made sure to grease and cocoa the pan very generously. Generally it is best to use shortening rather than butter, because butter can actually burn. It is definitely important to get all the nooks and crannies whenever you use a cake pan with lots of contours/features. 


To make the frosting, we just threw a bunch of stuff in a bowl. This was kind of weird, because I always use a recipe when making frosting. I suppose this could be because I tend to make more complicated frostings, like swiss meringue buttercream, or frostings of specific flavours. This time, we planned to make a simple chocolate buttercream (because neither of us had colours that we could use to make a flesh-tone), so I winged it.


With the chocolate icing as our base, we made a couple other colours. First we added some red food gel (from AmeriColor) because when we Google imaged it, black penises (obviously because the icing was chocolate) do in fact have very pink/red skin tones on the glans (correct terminology!). We also coloured a small portion of the chocolate icing with black food gel (from Wilton) to make pubic hair. Making black frosting can be a little bit tedious because you need so much pigmentation to actually make a black colour. In my experience it is much easier to dye frosting black when you start with a chocolate rather than vanilla base, and even then it still takes a lot of gel. As a finishing touch we mixed some icing sugar and water together to make some “semen” to drizzle around the cake. 


Anyways, below are the things that we did to make the cake happen! Happy cake-ing!

Chocolate Chip Birthday Cake

For the cake:


  • 1 box of chocolate cake mix and the things it says you need
  • 1 cup mini chocolate chips


  1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease the cake pan and cover in cocoa.
  2. Follow the direction on the back of the box.
  3. When batter is mixed, incorporate mini chocolate chips
  4. Bake according to time guide on the box; until a toothpick comes out clean.
  5. Let cool before removing from the pan.

For the frosting:


  • 2 cups unsalted butter
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 4 cups icing sugar
  • 4.5 oz of bittersweet or dark baking chocolate


  1. In a medium-large bowl whip butter until light and fluffy. Beat in vanilla until incorporated.
  2. Melt baking chocolate in the microwave, at 20 second time intervals, stirring in between. Once the chocolate starts to melt more, let it melt into itself for a little while before trying to microwave again.
  3. Add icing sugar cup by cup, fully incorporating between additions. If the chocolate is cool enough, it can be added between cups that have been incorporated.
  4. Mix well and add any desired colours. Enjoy 🙂

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